he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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