How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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