My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
