I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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