its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Found the puke drawer
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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