and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
