You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
