The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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