it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
how does that bad decision feel?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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