I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize