So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
