I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
