why didn't you poke me back
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
