He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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