kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
