I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
organizing the empties. That sober.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm getting married
To pizza
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
