Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
