I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
