Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
