So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
