Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
