Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
