Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have fence marks all over my body
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
