I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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