the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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