yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
