Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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