When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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