I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
