sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
