I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
