he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
