I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
