But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize