he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
