Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
