She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
