oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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