I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Can Purell be used as lube?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize