Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize