That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
