now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
