i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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