the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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