Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
