Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
