I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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