ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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