I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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