On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
