I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
