Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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