Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
