and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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