He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
