Soap is not a condiment
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
