My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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