This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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