unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
