today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
