Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
