Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
