did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
