I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize