You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
