your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
