My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
